介绍： 1 What you don’t know about marriage
关于婚姻你所不知道的事

speaker：Jenna McCarthy，writes about relationships, marriage and parenting.

00:00
Every year in the United States alone, 2,077,000 couples make a legal and spiritual decision to spend the rest of their lives together --And not to have s-e-x with ...

介绍： 1 What you don’t know about marriage
关于婚姻你所不知道的事

speaker：Jenna McCarthy，writes about relationships, marriage and parenting.

00:00
Every year in the United States alone, 2,077,000 couples make a legal and spiritual decision to spend the rest of their lives together --And not to have s-e-x with anyone else. Ever. He buys a ring, she buys a dress. They go shopping for all sorts of things. She takes him to Arthur Murray for ballroom-dancing lessons. And the big day comes. And they'll stand before God and family and some guy her dad once did business with, and they'll vow that nothing -- not abject poverty, not life-threatening illness, not complete and utter misery -- will ever put the tiniest damper on their eternal love and devotion.
每年，仅仅在美国就有207万7000对情侣在法律上和精神上决定与对方共度一生，而且不搞外遇，绝不。他买好戒指，她购入婚纱，他们一起置办各种东西，她带他去Arthur Murray舞蹈教室上课，学跳交际舞，之后喜事来临，他们在主和家人的见证下，还包括她父亲曾经的生意伙伴，他们发誓，无论何事，无论是一贫如洗，还是身患绝症，抑或是遭遇彻头彻尾的苦难，都丝毫不会影响他们永恒的爱与忠诚 。

00:58
These optimistic young bastards promise to honor and cherish each other through hot flashes and midlife crises and a cumulative 50-pound weight gain, until that far-off day, when one of them is finally able to rest in peace. You know, because they can't hear the snoring anymore. And then they'll get stupid drunk and smash cake in each other's faces and do the Macarena. And we'll be there, showering them with towels and toasters and drinking their free booze and throwing birdseed at them every single time ... even though we know, statistically, half of them will be divorced within a decade.
这些乐观年轻的混蛋们许诺尊重并珍惜彼此，从新婚到中年危机，到持续增加50磅的体重（45斤）直到在遥远未来的某一天，两人中的一个终于得以安息，因为他们再也听不到对方的鼾声了，他们会喝的得醉醺醺，向对方掷蛋糕，唱玛卡雷娜二重唱，我们也会在场一次次举杯庆贺，狂饮免费酒水，向他们扔鸟食，我们一贯如此，即使我们知道统计表明一半以上的婚姻维持不到10年。

01:46
Of course, the other half won't, right? They'll keep forgetting anniversaries and arguing about where to spend holidays and debating --Which way the toilet paper should come off of the roll. And some of them will even still be enjoying each other's company when neither of them can chew solid food anymore.
当然，另一半婚姻尚未终结，对不对？他们会一直忘记纪念日，为去哪儿度假而争吵，互相争辩厕纸该按什么方向摆，他们中的一些人也会一直享受有对方的陪伴，直到牙齿松动嚼不动固体食物

02:10
And researchers want to know why. I mean, look -- it doesn't take a double-blind, placebo-controlled study to figure out what makes a marriage not work: disrespect, boredom, too much time on Facebook, having s-e-x with other people. But you can have the exact opposite of all of those things -- respect, excitement, a broken Internet connection, mind-numbing monogamy -- and the thing still can go to hell in a handbasket. So, what's going on when it doesn't? What do the folks who make it all the way to side-by-side burial plots have in common? What are they doing right? What can we learn from them? And if you're still happily sleeping solo, why should you stop what you're doing and make it your life's work to find that one special person that you can annoy for the rest of your life?
研究人员希望知道原因，这并不需要一个双盲的对照组研究来破解婚姻失败的秘密，互不尊重、厌倦、沉迷Facebook、搞外遇，你也可以举出上述所有的反义词，互相尊重、新鲜刺激、断网、麻木的一夫一妻制，但还是搞砸了，所以维系婚姻的究竟是什么？那些成功携手，生同衾、死同穴的伴侣有何共通点？他们做对了哪些？我们能从中学到什么？ 如果你是个快乐的单身贵族，为什么一定要放弃现在的生活而毕生投入于找寻那个特别的人 那个你一辈子都觉得很烦的人？

03:09
Well, researchers spend billions of your tax dollars trying to figure that out. They stalk blissful couples and study their every move and mannerism. And they try to pinpoint what it is that sets them apart from their miserable neighbors and friends. And it turns out, the success stories share a few similarities, beyond that they don't have s-e-x with other people.
研究人员花费了几十亿纳税人的钱来寻找原因，他们跟踪调查美满的婚姻，他们研究夫妻间的所有行为和特殊习惯，他们尝试精确定位幸福的夫妻不同于不幸的邻居朋友们的所有不同之处，结果发现，成功的婚姻的确有一些相似之处，而不仅仅是不搞外遇。

03:34
For instance, in the happiest marriages, the wife is thinner and b-e-t-t-e-r-looking than the husband.Obvious. Right? It's obvious that this leads to marital bliss, because women -- we care a great deal about being thin and good-looking, whereas men mostly care about s-e-x, ideally, with women who are thinner and b-e-t-t-e-r looking than they are. The beauty of this research, though, is that no one is suggesting that women have to be thin to be happy. We just have to be thinner than our partners. So instead of all that laborious dieting and exercising, we just need to wait for them to get fat -- Maybe bake a few pies. This is good information to have, and it's not that complicated.
比如说，在幸福的婚姻里，妻子都比丈夫要苗条好看，明显正确，很明显这一点是婚姻幸福的原因，因为女人都很看重身材和美貌，男人大多在乎性，最好是跟比他们苗条好看的女人。这项研究的妙处在于没有人在暗示说，女人要瘦才会快乐，只要比伴侣瘦一点儿就行，这样就不用艰苦锻炼，勉强节食，我们只要等着自己的男人发福就好，也许再多烤几个派，这是很好的消息，也不复杂。

04:20
Research also suggests that the happiest couples are the ones that focus on the positives. For example: the happy wife. Instead of pointing out her husband's growing gut or suggesting he go for a run, she might say, "Wow, honey, thank you for going out of your way to make me relatively thinner." These are couples who can find good in any situation. "Yeah, it was devastating when we lost everything in that fire. But it's kind of nice sleeping out here under the stars. And it's a good thing you've got all that body fat to keep us warm."
研究也显示，幸福的夫妻聚焦于事物的积极一面，比如说，一个幸福的妻子不会指责丈夫腰围渐粗，也不会建议他出去跑步，她很可能会说：“宝贝，谢谢你已经开始努力，让我相对更苗条。”这些夫妻能够在任何情况下都找到好的一面，“这可真是太惨了，我们在火灾中失去了一切，不过在满天星斗下熟睡也是一桩美事，而且你刚好还有足够的脂肪让我们保暖。”

04:58
One of my favorite studies found that the more willing a husband is to do housework, the more attractive his wife will find him. Because we needed a study to tell us this. But here's what's going on here. The more attractive she finds him, the more s-e-x they have; the more s-e-x they have, the nicer he is to her; the nicer he is to her, the less she nags him about leaving wet towels on the bed, and ultimately, they live happily ever after. In other words, men, you might want to pick it up a notch in the domestic department.
我尤其喜欢的一项研究发现，丈夫越愿意做家务，妻子就觉得他越迷人，因为我们着实需要有项研究来告诉我们这个结论，然后我们有以下推理，妻子越觉得丈夫有吸引力，就会有越多性爱，他们有越多性爱，丈夫就对妻子越好，丈夫对妻子越好，妻子就越少唠叨丈夫把湿毛巾扔在床上。最终，他们一直幸福地生活在一起，换句话说，男人们也许应该在家里多干点活儿了。