介绍： 4 we don't "move on" from grief.we move forward with it
我们不背弃痛苦前进，而是带着痛苦前进

00:00
They are just strands to the same thread.They’re the same stuff.I’m ... what would my parents say?I’m not special.They had four kids, they were like ... frankly.
我对马修的爱和对艾伦的爱不是对立的而是同一条线...

介绍： 4 we don't "move on" from grief.we move forward with it
我们不背弃痛苦前进，而是带着痛苦前进

00:00
They are just strands to the same thread.They’re the same stuff.I’m ... what would my parents say?I’m not special.They had four kids, they were like ... frankly.
我对马修的爱和对艾伦的爱不是对立的而是同一条线上的分叉。所以他们本质上是一样的。我是那种……我父母都怎么形容我呢？我一点都不特别。因为他们有四个小孩，老实说...

00:19
But I’m not, I’m not special.I know that, I’m fully aware that all day, every day, all around the world,terrible things are happening.All the time.Like I said, fun person.
但是我不特别，一点都不。这件事我自己知道，我也清楚，在世界各地，每一天都会有可怕的事情发生。无时无刻。就像我说，人是有趣的。

00:29
But terrible things are happening,people are experiencing deeply formative and traumatic losses every day.And as part of my job,this weird podcast that I have,I sometimes talk to people about the worst thing that’s ever happened to them.
不过总会有糟心事在不断地发生，每一天都有人在经历着对他们痛苦而影响重大的失去。于是作为我工作中的一部分，在我主持的那个奇怪播客上，我有时候会和人们谈谈在他们身上发生过的最糟心的事情。

00:48
And sometimes, that’s the loss of someone they love,sometimes days ago or weeks ago, years ago, even decades ago.And these people that I interview,they haven’t closed themselves around this loss and made it the center of their lives.
有时候他们告诉我，那是几天前，几个星期前，几年前，甚至是几十年前失去一些所爱的人的经历。但是我采访过的那些人，他们并没有身陷在失去爱人的阴影里走不出来，也没有围绕着这些负面情绪走不出去

01:04
They’ve lived, their worlds have kept spinning.But they’re talking to me, a total stranger,about the person they love who has died,because these are the experiences that mark us and make us just as much as the joyful ones.And just as *.
他们依然过自己该过的日子，他们的世界不停转动，不过他们居然会对我，一个陌生人敞开心扉，谈论他们失去的那些所爱之人，因为这些都是经历啊，就像那些快乐的经历一样， 在我们身上留下塑造我们的痕迹，并且同样永久。

01:27
Long after you get your last sympathy card or your last hot dish.Like, we don’t look at the people around us experiencing life’s joys and wonders and tell them to "move on," do we?We don’t send a card that’s like, "Congratulations on your beautiful baby,"and then, five years later, think like, "Another birthday party? Get over it."
就算是在你拿到你最后的吊唁信或是最后一道热菜之后，那些痕迹依旧将永久地跟着你。就像我们不会趁着自己身边的人，在享受生活的快乐和奇迹的时候告诉他们放下一切，不是吗？我们不会在送了一张恭贺别人喜获贵子的贺卡之后，还会想着要在五年后去帮他孩子庆祝生日。

01:48
Yeah, we get it, he’s five.Wow.But grief is kind of one of those things,like, falling in love or having a baby or watching "The Wire" on HBO,where you don’t get it until you get it, until you do it.

对，我们知道他五岁了，所以呢？哇。不过悲痛和这些情绪都有一些相似，像爱上了某个人，生了孩子，或者在HBO电视台看了”THE WIRE“，你在去做某些事或得到某些东西之前，永远都不能够理解那种感受。

02:06
And once you do it, once it’s your love or your baby,once it’s your grief and your front row at the funeral,you get it.You understand what you’re experiencing is not a moment in time,it’s not a bone that will reset,but that you’ve been touched by something chronic.Something incurable.
但只要你放手去做了，只要那是你的爱人或孩子，只要是你的悲痛，或者去世的是你的亲人时，你就会明白了。你会明白你正在经历的不是一朝一夕的事情，也不是一个可以被扭转的事情。而是你真的被厄运的大手触碰了一下，而这些厄运，是无药可救的。

02:27
It’s not fatal, but sometimes grief feels like it could be.And if we can’t prevent it in one another,what can we do?What can we do other than try to remind one another that some things can’t be fixed,and not all wounds are meant to heal?
虽然悲痛的情绪让我们以为自己难受得快要死掉，但这种情绪并不致命。如果每个人面临的悲痛都是无法避免的，那我们还能做什么去缓解？除了尝试去提醒别人，有些事情发生了就无法再重来，也不是每个伤口都需要愈合，我们还能做什么？

02:53
We need each other to remember,to help each other remember,that grief is this multitasking emotion.That you can and will be sad, and happy; you’ll be grieving, and able to love in the same year or week, the same breath.
大家都需要谨记，也要帮助他人谨记，其实悲痛是一个多重情绪。你在经历悲痛的同一年里，你肯定会难过，但最终还是会开心；你会痛苦，然后拥有爱人的能力，在同一年，同一周， 甚至同一个瞬间。

03:11
We need to remember that a grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again.If they’re lucky, they’ll even find love again.But yes, absolutely, they’re going to move forward.But that doesn’t mean that they’ve moved on.
我们只需记得，一个悲伤过的人 最终还是会继续展开笑颜。如果足够幸运，他们甚至可以再次遇见爱情。是的，他们终究会继续向前走。但那不代表他们放下了一切。

Thank you.