介绍： 3 we don't "move on" from grief.we move forward with it
我们不背弃痛苦前进，而是带着痛苦前进

00:00
When you watch him fade from the healthy person he was the night you met to nothing, that stays with you.When you watch your son, who isn’t even two years old yet,walk up to his father’s bed on the last day o...

介绍： 3 we don't "move on" from grief.we move forward with it
我们不背弃痛苦前进，而是带着痛苦前进

00:00
When you watch him fade from the healthy person he was the night you met to nothing, that stays with you.When you watch your son, who isn’t even two years old yet,walk up to his father’s bed on the last day of his life,like he knows what’s coming in a few hours,and say, "I love you. All done. Bye, bye."that stays with you.
当你亲眼见证他渐渐从你最初认识的那个健康的男人变得虚弱，从活力满满到日渐枯萎，但依旧和你在一起。当你看着你根本不到两岁的儿子，在他父亲临死前走到他的床前，就像是他早已明白接下来的几个小时内即将发生的事情,对他爸爸说：“我爱你，就这样，再见。”
那些画面将是永远烙印在你脑海里的记忆，并伴你终身。

00:26
Just like when you fall in love, finally, like really fall in love with someone who gets you and sees you and you even see, "Oh, my God, I’ve been wrong this entire time.
那一刻，就好像是你终于，真正地爱上了一个能够理解你并理解你的人。到了这时你才发现，“天啊，我一直以来都错了。”

00:35
Love is not a contest or a reality show -- it’s so quiet,It’s this invisible thread of calm that connects the two of us even when everything is chaos,when things are falling apart, even when he’s gone."
That stays with you.
爱情并不像一场比赛或者真人秀那么轰轰烈烈——它是安静的，爱情就像一条平静的，看不见的绳子，紧紧地连接我们两人。就算世界纷杂，就算很多事情都崩溃瓦解，就算在他死去以后，那份爱，依然跟着你。

00:55
We used to do this thing --because my hands are always freezing and he’s so warm,where I would take my ice-cold hands and shove them up his shirt ...press them against his hot bod.
我和艾伦相处时有一个小习惯，由于我的手是冰的，而他的手总是热的，所以我习惯把我冰冷的手硬塞进他的衣服里，然后紧紧把我的手按在他温热的身体上。

01:07
And he hated it so much,but he loved me,and after he died, I laid in bed with Aaron and I put my hands underneath him and I felt his warmth.
坦白说，他很反感我这种行为，但是他爱我啊，在艾伦死去之后，我和他躺在同一张床上，并把我的手放在他身下，那一刻，我感受到他身体的余温

01:25
And I can’t even tell you if my hands were cold,but I can tell you that I knew it was the last time I would ever do that.
那时候，我根本分不清楚我的手到底是不是冰冷的，不过我可以告诉你，我清楚地知道那将是我最后 一次能够做出那个动作。

01:35
And that that memory is always going to be sad.That memory will always hurt.Even when I’m 600 years old and I’m just a hologram.
而从那天起，这份记忆便注定是悲伤的。它一直都会。就算到我有天活到了600岁，变成一幅全息图的时候，还是会难过。

01:48
Just like the memory of meeting him is always going to make me laugh.Grief doesn’t happen in this vacuum,it happens alongside of and mixed in with all of these other emotions.
就像与他相识的那些回忆，想起来时总会令我开心地笑。而悲伤不是因为他离开后生活中留下了空白才发生的，它是掺杂在各种混合的情绪里同时发生的。

02:06
So, I met Matthew, my current husband --who doesn’t love that title,but it’s so accurate.I met Matthew, and ...there was this audible sigh of relief among the people who love me,like, "It’s over!She did it.She got a happy ending, we can all go home.And we did good."
现在，我遇见了现任丈夫-马修，虽然他并不喜欢现任的这个称号，不过这就是事实啊！在我遇见马修之后...都可以听见周围那些爱我，关心我的人宽慰地松了口气像是在说：“哇，这一切终于过去了！她成功走出阴影了！也有了一个幸福的结局， 我们也可以放心了。而且我们这个任务完成得挺好。”

02:40
And that narrative is so appealing even to me,and I thought maybe I had gotten that, too, but I didn’t.I got another chapter.And it’s such a good chapter -- I love you, honey --It’s such a good chapter.
他们内心的旁白对我而言是极具感染力的，而我也以为自己真的得到了一个幸福完美的结局，但我没有。我得到的其实是一个新的篇章。这还是一个特别好的篇章—— 我爱你，亲爱的（篇章）这是个特别好的新开始。

02:55
But especially at the beginning, it was like an alternate universe,or one of those old "choose your own adventure" books from the 80s where there are two parallel plot lines.
不过尤其是一开始时，我感觉像是 在面对两个不断交替的世界，或像那种80年代的书里面 “选择你自己的人生”的那种情节，就像两段感情都是平行的故事线。

03:03
So I opened my heart to Matthew,and my brain was like, "Would you like to think about Aaron?Like, the past, the present, future, just get in there," and I did.
所以当我对马修敞开心扉时，我的大脑会出现另外一个声音：“你会不会想起艾伦？”就像过去现在未来同时混合在一起，而我也的确还会想起他。

03:15
And all of a sudden, those two plots were unfurling at once,and falling in love with Matthew really helped me realize the enormity of what I lost when Aaron died.And just as importantly,it helped me realize that my love for Aaron and my grief for Aaron,and my love for Matthew, are not opposing forces.
突然间，这两条故事线就同时在我眼前展开，爱上马修的同时我豁然开朗，原来我因为艾伦的死亡而失去的那些东西，对我来说有多重要。同等来说，这段感情也帮助我意识到自己对艾伦的爱以及他离世带给我的悲痛，但我对马修的爱和对艾伦的爱不是对立的。