介绍： 1 we don't "move on" from grief.we move forward with it
我们不背弃痛苦前进，而是带着痛苦前进

00:00
So, 2014 was a big year for me.Do you ever have that,just like a big year, like a banner year?
2014年对我来说是意义重大的一年。你以前有没有经历一个对你来说意义重大，而且特别高产的一年？

00:09
For me, it went l...

介绍： 1 we don't "move on" from grief.we move forward with it
我们不背弃痛苦前进，而是带着痛苦前进

00:00
So, 2014 was a big year for me.Do you ever have that,just like a big year, like a banner year?
2014年对我来说是意义重大的一年。你以前有没有经历一个对你来说意义重大，而且特别高产的一年？

00:09
For me, it went like this:October 3, I lost my second pregnancy.And then October 8, my dad died of cancer.And then on November 25, my husband Aaron died.after three years with stage-four glioblastoma,which is just a fancy word for brain cancer.So, I’m fun.
对我来说，这一年我是这样过的：10月3日的时候，我经历了二胎流产。然后10月8日的时候，我的父亲死于癌症。再到11月25日，我的丈夫艾伦也过世了。在他患上第四期的神经胶质母细胞瘤的三年后，说白了就是脑癌。所以我是个有趣的人。

00:30
People love to invite me out all the time.Packed social life.Usually, when I talk about this period of my life,the reaction I get is essentially:(Sighs)I can’t -- I can’t imagine.
大多数时候大家都很喜欢约我出去，非常充实的社交生活。通常当我谈起我人生的这一阶段时，我得到的反应基本上都是这样的：（叹气）“我……我无法想象你的感受。”

00:47
But I do think you can.I think you can.And I think that you should,because, someday, it’s going to happen to you.Maybe not these specific losses in this specific order or at this speed,but like I said, I’m very fun.and the research that I have seen will stun you:everyone you love has a 100 percent chance of dying.And that’s w-h-y you came to TED.
但我觉得在座的你们可以。我真的认为你们可以想象到。而且我认为你们必须学会这样做，
因为有一天，这种事情也会发生在你们身上。或许你们遇到的事情不会和我完全一样，可能发生在不同的顺序或时机，不过就像我说的，我是个有趣的人。而我了解到的研究结果肯定会吓你一跳：你所爱的人最后都有100%的几率会死去。这也是为什么你今天会来到这里。

01:18
So, since all of this loss happened,I’ve made it a career to talk about death and loss,not just my own, because it’s pretty easy to recap,but the losses and tragedies that other people have experienced.It’s a niche, I have to say.
自从我经历了这些丧亲之痛后，我就把和大家谈论生死变成了我的职业，不仅仅是说出我的故事，因为这很容易引起共鸣——还有其他人经历的丧亲和悲剧。我不得不说，我现在从事的这个职业是个非常好的商机。

01:35
It’s a small niche, and I wish I made more money, but ...I’ve written some very uplifting books,host a very uplifting podcast, I started a little nonprofit.I’m just trying to do what I can to make more people comfortable with the uncomfortable,and grief is so uncomfortable.It’s so uncomfortable, especially if it’s someone else’s grief.

虽然商机很小，而我希望我赚的钱 （比这）更多，不过嘛……我写了几本鼓舞人心的书本，主持了一个鼓舞人心的播客，也开始了一些非盈利活动。而我只是在竭尽我所能让更多感到难受的人变得好受一点，毕竟那些伤心和痛苦太令人难受了。尤其是当其他人对我们倾诉悲痛时，这种感觉更甚。

01:59
So part of that work is this group that I started with my friend Moe,who is also a widow;we call it the Hot Young Widows Club.
所以我工作中有一项是，我和我的朋友摩尔一起创立了一个社团，她和我一样是一个寡妇，我们为那个社团取名为“性感年轻寡妇俱乐部”。

02:09
And it’s real, we have membership cards and T-shirts.And when your person , your husband, wife, girl-f, boy-f,literally don’t care if you were married,your friends and your family are just going to look around through friends of friends of friends of friends until they find someone who’s gone through something similar,and then they’ll push you towards each other.so you can talk amongst yourselves and not get your sad on other people.
是真的！我们甚至有自己的卡和专属的T恤。当你身边的人逝去后，无论逝去的人是你的丈夫、妻子，亦或是男朋友、女朋友，不管你有没有结婚过，你的家人朋友总是会下意识地通过他们的朋友的朋友的朋友帮你寻找（伴侣），直到找到一个与你有相似经历的人，然后他们就会把你推向对方让你们可以互相分担痛苦，同时也避免把难过到身边其他人身上。

02:36
So that’s what we do.It’s just a series of small groups,where men, women, gay, straight, married, partnered,can talk about their dead person,and say the things that the other people in their lives aren’t ready or willing to hear yet.Huge range of conversations.Like, "My husband died two weeks ago,I can’t stop thinking about sex, is that normal?"Yeah.What if it’s one of the Property Brothers?Less normal, but I’ll accept it.
这些也是我们俱乐部正在做的事情。我们只是把人们聚集成一个个小组，让不论是男人，女人，同性恋，异性恋，已婚人士或者是有伴侣的人，都可以谈谈他们身边已经过世的亲人，也可以大方地说出一些，现在他们周围的人们都还没做好准备去聆听的事情。他们聊天的话题可以很广泛。就像：“我的丈夫两个星期前过世了，但一直在我脑海挥之不去的问题是以后的性生活怎么办，这正常吗？”当然正常啊。“但如果我性幻想对象是“房产兄弟”的其中一个人呢？那也正常吗？”有一点偏离常规，但我可以接受。

03:09
Things like, "Look, when I’m out in public and I see old people holding hands,couples who have clearly been together for decades,and then I look at them and I imagine all of the things they’ve been through together,the good things, the bad things,the arguments they’ve had over who should take out the trash ...I just find my heart filled with rage."And that example is personal to me.
又比如：“每当我出门一看到其他老夫老妻在街上手牵手，”很显然他们已经互相陪伴了几十年。当我看着他们，我竟然能想象到他们在一起那么多年共同经历过的所有事情，无论是好的事情还是坏的事，亦或是他们之间曾为了谁 应该去丢垃圾而引发的小争执...一想到这些，我的内心只有满满的愤怒。而上面的例子正是我能够感同身受的。