介绍： 2 A better way to talk about love
如何更好地谈论爱情

Speaker:Mandy Len Catron，writer.

00:00:
someone more adventurous than me might have seen this as a moment of opportunity,but I just froze.I just sat there.and then I burst into tears.but despite my panic,some small voice in my head thought,”wow.how was ...

介绍： 2 A better way to talk about love
如何更好地谈论爱情

Speaker:Mandy Len Catron，writer.

00:00:
someone more adventurous than me might have seen this as a moment of opportunity,but I just froze.I just sat there.and then I burst into tears.but despite my panic,some small voice in my head thought,”wow.how was dramatic.I must really be doing this love thing right.”because some part of me wanted to feel miserable in love.and it sounds so strange to me now,but at 22,I longed to have dramatic experiences,and in that moment,I was irrational and furious and devastated,and weirdly enough,I thought that this somehow legitimized the feelings I had for the guy who had just left me.
比我有冒险精神的人可能会把这视为一次很好的锻炼经历，但我却不知所措。我坐在那儿，然后嚎啕大哭。但是尽管慌乱，我脑海中仍然有声音小声地告诉我“哇。多具有戏剧性啊。我一定是把爱情表现的淋漓尽致了。”因为其实有一部分的我是想去感受爱情中的痛苦的。这对于现在的我来说很奇怪，但对于22岁的我来说，我渴望一次戏剧性的经历，所以在那个瞬间，我很荒谬、很愤怒、很绝望，而更奇怪的是，我认为这从某种程度上证明了我对离我而去的那个人的爱。

00:50:
so I think on some level I wanted to feel a little bit crazy,because I thought that was how loved worked.this really should not be surprising,considering that according to Wikipedia,there are eight films,14 songs,two albums and one novel with the title”Crazy Love.”about half an hour later,he came back to our room.we made up.we spent another mostly happy week traveling together.and then when I got home.I thought,”that was so terrible and so great.this must be a real romance.”
所以我想在某种程度上我只是想疯狂一些，因为我认为爱情就应该是这样。其实这不应该使人惊讶。根据维基百科，有8部电影，14首歌，2张专辑和一本以《疯狂爱情》命名的小说。半小时后，他回来了。我们复合了。我们一起在旅行中度过了愉快的一周。然后当我回到家之后，我想“这可真是既糟糕又美妙，这一定是真正的爱情吧。”

01:28:
I expected my first love to feel like madness,and of course,it met that expectation very well.but loving someone like that--as if my entire well-being depended on him loving me back--was not very good for me or for him.but I suspect this experience of love is not that unusual.most of us do feel a bit mad in the early stages of romantic love.in fact,there is research to confirm that this is somewhat normal,because,neurochemically speaking,romantic love and mental illness are not that easily distinguished.this is true.
我期盼着能在初恋中感受到疯狂，显然，这个期望被很好的满足了。不过这样爱着一个人--好像我全部的爱取决于他回馈的爱--对我或他都是不好的。不过我觉得这段爱情经历并不罕见。我们大多数人在恋情的早期都会感受到些许疯狂。事实上，研究表明这是正常现象，因为从神经学角度来说，爱情和精神疾病并不是那么容易区分的。这是真的。

02:08:
this study from 1999 used blood tests to confirm that the serotonin levels of the newly in love very closely resembled the serotonin levels of people who had been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder.yes,and low levels of serotonin are also associated with seasonal effective disorder and depression.so there is some evidence that love is associated with changes to our moods and our behaviors.and there are other studies to confirm that you know most relationships begin this way.researchers believe that the low levels of serotonin is correlated with obsessive thinking about the object of love,which is like this feeling that someone has set up camp in your brain.
一个1999年的实验通过验血，确认了新情侣的血清素水平和另一群人的血清素水平相似，那就是强迫症患者。没错，低水平的血清素与季节性情感障碍以及抑郁症都有关联。由此证明，心情和行为的变化与爱情是有关的，也有其他研究确认大多数感情是这样开始的。研究者相信，低水平的血清素水平代表了对恋爱对象的强迫性回忆。就好像别人在你的脑海中安营扎寨。

02:58:
and most of us feel this way when we first fall in love.but the good news is that it doesn’t always last that long--usually from a few months to a couple of years.when I got back form my trip to South American,I spent a lot of time alone in my room,checking my email,desperate to hear from the guy I loved.I decided that if my friends could not understand my grievous affliction,then I did not need their friendship.so I stopped hanging out with most of them.and it was probably the most unhappy year of my life.but I think I felt like it was my job to be miserable,because if I could be miserable,then I would prove how much I loved him.and if I could prove it,then we could have to end up together eventually.
我们大多数人在初恋时都有这样的感受，但幸运的是，这感受不会持续很久，通常只有几个月到一两年。所以当我从南美回来的时候，我独自在我的房间里呆了很久，查看我的邮箱，非常渴望得到我爱的那个男人的消息。我决定：如果我的朋友不能理解我的困境，那我也不需要这些友谊。所以我和大多数好友断了联系。那可能是我人生中最失落的一年，但我感觉我必须要感受痛苦，因为如果我能感受到痛苦，那就能证明我有多爱他，如果我证明了，那我们终将会在一起。

03:50:
this is the real madness,because there is no cosminc rule that says that great suffering equals great reward,but we talk about love as if this is true.our experiences of love are both biological and cultural.our biology tells us that love is good by activating these reward circuits in our brain,and it tells us that love is painful when after a fight or breakup,that neurchemical reward is withdrawn.and in fact--and maybe you’ve heard this--neurochemically speaking,going through a breakup is a lot like through cocaine withdrawal,which I find reassuring.
这才是真正的疯狂，因为并没有明确规定受苦受难就一定能得到回报，但是我们却觉得在爱情中这是对的。我们对爱情的体验既是生理上的，又是文化上的。生理通过激发我们大脑的激励反馈，告诉我们爱情是美好的，然而在吵架或分手后，它又告诉我们爱情是痛苦的，这时神经反馈是无效的。事实上，你可能听说过，从神经学的角度来说，经历分手和戒毒过程非常相似，这一点我感到很舒心。

04:33:
and then our culture uses language to shape and reinforce these ideas about love.in this case,we’re talking about metaphors about pain and addiction and madness.it’s kind of an interesting feedback loop.love is powerful and at times painful,and we express this in our words and stories,but then our words and stories prime us to expect love to be powerful and painful.
我们的文化利用语言来塑造和加强对于爱的观念。现在的情况是，我们将其等同于痛苦、癖嗜和痴狂。这好像是一个有趣的反馈循环。爱情很伟大，但有时也让我们痛苦，我们用词句和故事来表达这点，然后这些文字又使得我们盲目期待爱情就应是伟大而痛苦的。