Nightmare Visions is a blackened grindcore debut from Michigan’s Theophonos, the brainchild of Jimmy Hamzey (Serpent Column). If that genre label sounds unappetizing, don’t let that deter you. Theophonos took every hard rock and metal song released since 1967, crammed them all into a woodchipper, and assembled the mangled output into a blackened 30-minute hydra. Miraculously, it works. Whether you like black metal, grindcore, old-school hard rock, speed metal, or death metal, Nightmare Visions has something for you. Beauty, dissonance, and anger coalesce into the most creative record I heard this year.

The “blackened grind” label is a Trojan horse; a fearsome army lurks inside. War metal riffs evoke Concrete Winds with their frenzied rhythms and their chromatic structure, while dissonance and slow melodies build an ominous atmosphere. Unexpected forays into subgenres like drone (“Lost One”) round out Nightmare Visions’ lightspeed tour of extreme metal. But the most exhilarating sections are Theophonos’ digressions into old-school heavy metal. Nightmare Visions’ headbanging riffs recall Led Zeppelin’s “Black Dog” (“Thousand Imaginary Swords”), Motörhead’s “Ace of Spades” (“Go On to Your Gallows”), and Iron Maiden’s “Wrathchild” (“Of Days Past”), with a blackened veneer that sounds distinctly like Theophonos. The album races among its sonic experiments at a grindcore pace, but gives each one enough space to shine, making it a pleasure for grind lovers and haters alike.

Every measure of Nightmare Visions flows perfectly into the next. “Nightmare Visionary” opens with slow chugging, but drops breadcrumbs of speed to lead you into a war metal trap. Later on, the instant when the song’s fury collapses back into a slow sinister melody is a highlight of 2023. Theophonos’ disparate styles often join forces, like the way the serene guitar solo on “Of Days Past” transforms its backing melody into a black metal assault. Throughout Nightmare Visions, the rhythmic gymnastics of the drums and bass help fuse contrasting sections (“Lost One”). Meanwhile, the callbacks between songs reward repeated listens, like when the calm “At Rest in Turbulence” resurrects a descending melody from the vicious “Lost One.” The album’s impeccable flow makes every twist and turn unforgettable, despite the daunting volume of ideas on display.

Nightmare Visions is painstakingly composed, but it doesn’t come off as a mere technical exercise. The black metal riffs are good old-fashioned fun, making the album a pleasure even in my brain-dead moments (“Maps of the Future”). On the other hand, closer “Of Days Past” makes me want to both reminisce and flip over a table, through its blend of sorrowful melodies and extremity. Upbeat melodies make occasional cameo appearances amidst chaos, a haunting technique that reminds me of 2022’s Ultha. I could go on and on. In short, Theophonos’ mastery of climaxes, variety, and transitions drags me to hell, to heaven, and back again.

Writing this piece feels like describing an orchid to a Martian. No matter how exhaustively I describe the petals, the diversity of Orchidaceae, or the beauty of a bloom, it wouldn’t do justice to the experience of seeing one firsthand. So yes, Nightmare Visions is black metal, grindcore, hard rock, death metal, The Velvet Underground, and more; it’s evocative, angry, hypnotic, unsettling, and fun; it’s concise but expansive; it’s chaotic but meticulously written; it is, as Wvrm said of Æther Realm’s Tarot, “all that metal can be”; it might be my favorite record of 2023. But most of all, it’s indescribable. Just listen for yourself.