介绍： Season 3-23:The One With Ross's Thing (Part 2)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is returning from Pete's.]
Rachel: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, “Look how mu-ch mo-ney we've got!” Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put mo-ney in-in the invitations! You...

介绍： Season 3-23:The One With Ross's Thing (Part 2)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is returning from Pete's.]
Rachel: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, “Look how mu-ch mo-ney we've got!” Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put mo-ney in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little mo-ney place settings. And ah, you could start with a mo-ney salad! I mean it'll be dry, but people will like it.
Monica: Would you stop? We've only been going out a couple of weeks, I mean we don't even know if he's gonna propose.
Chandler: Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? He's not like other people, on your first date he took you to Rome. For most guys that's like a third or fourth date kinda thing.
Monica: Well if-if that's what it is, then it's-it's crazy.
Ross: Monica's right. We're talking about getting married here. Okay? She-she can't just rush into this.
Rachel: Oh please, what do you know! You married a lesbian!
Phoebe: All right. I gotta go. I have break up with Vince.
Chandler: Oh, so you're going with the teacher, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah, I like Vince a lot, y'know? But, it's just Jason's so sensitive, y'know? And in the long run, I think sensitive it's just bet-ter than having just like a really, really, really nice butt. Jason! Definitely Jason! Okay, wish me luck!
All: Good luck!
Rachel: OH MY GOD!!! Sorry, I was just imagining what it'd be like to catch the mo-ney bouquet.
[Scene: A Fire House, Phoebe has gone to break up with Vince.]
Phoebe: Excuse me. Umm, is Vince here?
Fireman: Oh sure. Vince?!
Vince: Yo!!
Phoebe: Wow! I didn't know you guys actually used those.
Vince: So, what's up?
Phoebe: Umm, wow. This-this isn't gonna be easy. Umm, I don't think we should see each other anymore.
Vince: Uh-huh. G-good deal.
Phoebe: I'm sorry.
Vince: No-no it's okay. It's just that ah, I thought we had something pretty special here. And y'know I-I felt like you were someone I could finally open up to, and... That there's so much in me I have to share with you yet.
Phoebe: Oh my God, I didn't...
Vince: I'm sorry, I can't talk. I'm gonna go write in my journal.
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait! Wait!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.
Ross: Thank you, but I want to remove it Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory.
Monica: Y'know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it.
Ross: Gimme this.
Rachel: Hi! Okay, don't be mad at me, but I couldn't resist.
Monica: Brides magazines?
Rachel: Yes, and I know that you'd say no if he asked you, but I'm sorry; how great would you look walking down the aisle in this Donna Carin.
Phoebe: Oh, you so would! Oh, you should get that anyway. Like for clubbing.
Monica: It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes.I know it's a little sudden, and it's a little rushed, and it's totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesn't mean I can't. Right? I mean I'm-I'm crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the sa-me things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy.
Rachel: Oh my God.
Monica: I know. I need more pie.
Phoebe: Hey Mon umm, if you do get married, can I bring two guests?
Rachel: You didn't break up with that fireman?
Phoebe: No, that was my way of telling you. Well, it turns out he's incredibly sensitive, he keeps a journal and he paints. He even showed me charcoal drawings that he drew of me.
Rachel: Wow!
Phoebe: Yeah, well he'd prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.
Monica: So then, are you going to dump Jason?
Phoebe: Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone, and... Okay so Jason is sensitive, but now so's Vince.Plus, Vince has the body y'know? So... It's really just about the math.
[Scene: Jason's apartment, Phoebe has gone to break up with Jason.]
Phoebe: Jason?
Jason: Yeah, come on in.
Jason: So Phoebe, you ah, sounded kinda serious on the phone, is ah, is anything wrong?
Phoebe: Nah-ha!
[Scene: Phoebe's Herbal Guy's office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large ba-nk of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.]
Guru Saj: You must be Ross.
Ross: Hi.
Guru Saj: I am Guru Saj.
Ross: Listen, I got to tell you I've-I've never been to a guru before, so...
Guru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel bet-ter, I've attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, let's take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. Come on, have a seat. Eeh, huh. As I suspected, it's a koondis!
Ross: What's a koondis?
Guru Saj: I don't know, what's a koondis with you? Please, lie down! I've got a salve that oughta shrink that right up.
Ross: I guess it's worth a try.
Guru Saj: Oh sure, we should see results -- Whoa!! Clearly not the way to go!!
Ross: What?! What?!
Guru Saj: We appear to have angered it.
Ross: We?! We angered it?!
Guru Saj: Oh, I think I see the problem. And I'm afraid we're gonna have to use a much stronger tool. Love.
Ross: Oh God!
Guru Saj: Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to...
Ross: Ow!!
Guru Saj: Oops.
Ross: What was, what was that?
Guru Saj: Well it's gone.
Ross: What?! How's that?
Guru Saj: It got caught on my watch.
Ross: Hey!
[Scene: Pete's apartment, Pete and Monica are coming back from a date.]
Pete: Lights. Uh, romantic lights.
Monica: Ooh, nice.
Pete: So ah, there was this thing I wanted to talk to you about.
Monica: Oh, right! I completely forgot about that.
Pete: Well ah, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I look at my life...
Monica: Yeah?
Pete: And I feel like I've conquered the business world, and I feel like I've conquered the intellectual world, and now I-I have the most beautiful woman in the world.
Monica: Wow.
Pete: There's one thing missing.
Monica: What's that?
Pete: It's time for me to conquer the physical world.
Monica: Okay.
Pete: Monica, I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Monica: You wanna what?!
Pete: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most intense physical competition in the world, it's banned in 49 states!
Monica: What are you talking about?
Pete: Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, I've even had my own octagon training ring designed.
Monica: And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.
Pete: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?
Monica: My parents will be so happy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe's singing, Vince is also there.]
Phoebe: “Crazy underwear, creepin' up my butt. Crazy underwear, always in a rut. Crazy under- -wear...” Oh No! What is he doing here? All right, just keep playing, just keep playing. You'll get through this; you'll be fine. Okay, thank you. And, as always no one talk to me after the show.
Jason: Hey. I was...
Phoebe: Hey!
Jason: I was passin' by and I saw that you were playing tonight, it's kinda cool seeing you up there.
Vince: Whoa! Hey-hey! What's going on here? Who is this guy?
Phoebe: I don't know, he just started kissing me. Get him! Get him, Vince!
Vince: What?!
Jason: What?!
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, I've-I've been dating both of you, and it's been really horrible. 'Cause y'know it's been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didn't know how to chose, so... I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm terrible, I'm a terrible person. I'm terrible.
Vince: Phoebe, Phoebe relax, it's okay. I mean we never said this was exclusive.
Jason: Yeah, and neither did we. Give yourself a break.
Phoebe: Really?!
Jason: Yeah. I mean y'know, we haven't been going out that long. Come on, we haven't even slept together yet. Huh.
Vince: You haven't?
Jason: You have?
Phoebe: Well, this is none of my business.
Jason: I-I can't believe this! You-you've slept with him?!
Phoebe: Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park.
Jason: Y'know Phoebe, I'm gonna make this real easy for you.
Phoebe: Well, that could've been really awkward.
Vince: You made him a candle light dinner in the park?
Phoebe: Yeah, but I-I-I-I can do that for you, I'm gonna do that for you.
Vince: Uh yeah, I can't believe I ever went out with somebody who would actually have an open flame in the middle of a wooden area.
[Scene: Guru Saj's office: Joey and Chandler have taken the duck to see the guru.]
Chandler: Everything's gonna be all right. Okay, Dick?
Guru Saj: Hello, I am Guru Saj- -Whoa!! That's supposed to be a duck right? 'Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. He's got a, he's got a really bad cough, and our vet, he can't do anything about it. Is there something you can do?
Guru Saj: Hmm, let me see. Let me see. Do you think you could get him to eat a bat?
End