介绍： Season 3-24:The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion (Part 1)
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang minus Monica is there.]
Chandler: Do you think that there's a town in Missouri or some place called Sample? And ah, as you're driving into town there's-there's like a sign, and it says “You're in Sample.” (...

介绍： Season 3-24:The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion (Part 1)
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang minus Monica is there.]
Chandler: Do you think that there's a town in Missouri or some place called Sample? And ah, as you're driving into town there's-there's like a sign, and it says “You're in Sample.” (Indicates “Urine sample”)
Monica: Hey.
All: Hey!
Rachel: How'd it go with Pete?!
Joey: Tell us!
Monica: You're not gonna believe this. Okay, so I go over...
Billy Crystal: I'm sorry. Ex-excuse us. I'm sorry, it's a little crowded. Do you mind if we...
Robin Williams: Yeah, could you scooch? [May he rest in peace.]
Billy: Yeah, move over just a little bit.
Robin: Keep on scooching.
Monica: So guys, listen, I go over there, and umm...
Robin: Why? Why?! What's wrong with me?!
Billy: What's the matter?
Robin: I have a feelin'... I, my wife is sleeping with her gynaecologist.
Billy: How do you know?
Robin: Well y'know, he's got access.
Billy: Yeah.
Robin: Y'know it's that feeling you get, y'know?
Billy: Like when you go bowling and you know you're in somebody else's shoes?
Robin: That's the one.
Phoebe: All right, so, so you went to Pete's...
Ross: What happened?
Monica: I...
Robin: Why is this happening to me?! I don't know, maybe it's my wound.
Monica: Forget it.
Billy: So it's-it's not healed yet?
Robin: No-no, it's ooozing(ooze), oozing. Could you pass me the cream? Is there any -- Oh, there's the cream.
Billy: Thomas, this is gonna be hard, but I wanted it to come from me, and no-body else.
Robin: What is it, Tim?
Billy: It's me, I've been sleeping with your wife.
Joey: So you're the gynaecologist?
Billy: Hey, I'm trying to have a private conversation! Is that okay?!
Robin: Ooh. Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? Would you--Give me this thing all right!! Enough! And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! Get away from me!!
Billy: Thomas, come back here!
Phoebe: So Monica, what were you gonna tell us?
Monica: I have no idea.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon?! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker?
Phoebe: No-no-no oh, keep your name, don't take his name.
Monica: He didn't ask me to marry him.
All: Ohh.
Phoebe: Well then definately don't take his name.
Monica: He wanted to tell me he's gonna compete is some ultimate fighting competition thingy.
The Guys: Pete?!
Rachel: Why?! What is it?
Monica: I don't know exactly. It's-it's sorta like wrestling.
Phoebe: Oh?!
Monica: Yeah, but without the costumes.
Phoebe: Oh.
Joey: And it's not fake, it's totally brutal.
Chandler: Yeah, it's two guys in a ring, and the rules are: “They're are no rules.”
Monica: So you can like, bite, and pull people's hair and stuff?
Ross: Yeah, anything goes, except ah, e-ye gouging and fish hooking.
Monica: What's fish hooking?
Ross: Huh, what's fish hooking... Thanks man, that would have been really hard to describe. What is that taste?
Joey: What? My hands are totally clean, I just gave the duck a bath.
[Scene: Chandler's office, he is just finishing a meeting with his boss.]
Doug: So thanks for the warm welcome. It's good to have you guys on my team, and I come to play. I hope you do too. Now, let's go out there and get 'em! Huh? And remember, there is no 'I' in team.
Chandler: Yes, but there's two in martini, soo everybody back to my office.
Doug: You! Chuckles! What's your name?
Chandler: Oh it's Bing, sir. I'm sorry , I was just ah...
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. This team is about hard work, but it's also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is making reservations.]
Ross: That's right, Ryder. Wynona Ryder for six. Thank you. Yeah, we have the reservations.
Rachel: Yes!!
Chandler: All right buddy, way to go!
Ross: Dude, what are you doing?
Chandler: Thank you! Today, my boss keep slapping my butt and he was acting like it was no big deal.
Phoebe: Yeesh, what'd you do about it?
Chandler: Well, I didn't do anything. I didn't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
Monica: I gotta tell ya, I think it's okay to be that guy.
Joey: Yeah, maybe it's like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how footba-ll players pat each other after touchdowns.
Rachel: Y'know I don't, I don't understand guys, I mean I-I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew by y'know, grabbin' her boob.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, for a really great stew you just y'know, stick your head in between 'em.
Monica: Okay, can we please go eat?
Joey: Yeah. What are we getting?
Monica: Anything but stew.
Ross: All right so, Chandler, from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you. Y'know just ah, don't turn your back to him.
Joey: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson. Y'know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Chandler: What if Joey were president?
Phoebe: Umm, hey Rach, can I ask you something?
Rachel: Yeah.
Phoebe: Okay, you can totally say no, but umm, would it be okay with you if I set Ross up on a date?
Rachel: Oh, ah with who?
Phoebe: Umm, my friend, Bonnie. She just always thought Ross was really cute, and now that you two aren't together, she asked if I could set it up, but if you're not cool with it...
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, which one is Bonnie again?
Phoebe: You remember her from my birthday party two years ago. She's yeah, like, average height, medium build, bald...
Rachel: Oh! That's fine.
Phoebe: Great! Okay, good for you!
[Scene: A Gym, Pete is training for the Ultimate Fighting Championship, with his trainer, Hoshi.]
Hoshi: You are iron. You are steel! Let me ask you something, how come when I call your computer support line, I have to wait an hour and a half?
Pete: I told you, we're adding new operators all the time. Could we concentrate on my training?
Hoshi: It's just hard when I know I have e-mail I can't get!
Monica: Hi!
Pete: Monica! Hi honey.
Hoshi: All right, on the table.
Monica: Hey, umm, so listen umm, my friends were telling me a little about this ah, ultimate fighting thing and it, well it sounds really dangerous. I-I don't want you to get hurt, 'cause I kinda like you.
Pete: Oh, believe me, I don't want to get hurt either. I'm being smart about this. See these guys? They're the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin.A house painter! He used to be a house painter.
Monica: Promise me you'll be careful.
Pete: I promise.
Monica: Hey, are we still on for tonight?
Pete: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, good, 'cause umm, well maybe we could have a little workout of our own...
Hoshi: No! No boom-boom before big fight!
Monica: How 'bout just a boom?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with Bonnie, as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Well that was depressing, I think I just bought a soft pretzel from one of the kids from Fame. Ready to go to the movies?
Phoebe: Um-hmm. Oh wait! This is Bonnie.
Bonnie: Hi!
Rachel: This is Bonnie?This is Bonnie?You're Bonnie?
Bonnie: I can show you an ID if you want?
Rachel: Oh no, I'm sorry, you look a lot different from the last time I-I saw you.
Bonnie: Oh yeah, well I just started wearing bras again.
Rachel: Oh, that must be it.
Phoebe: Well I hope you have fun tonight.
Bonnie: Thanks! You too.
Rachel: You said she was bald.
Phoebe: Yeah, she was bald, she's not now.
Rachel: How could you not tell me that she has hair?
Phoebe: I don't know, I hardly ever say that about people.
Rachel: Ohh, well, this is just perfect!
Phoebe: Well I'm sorry, I thought you said it was okay.
Rachel: Yeah, I said what was okay when I thought she was some weird bald chick. I mean, y'know, that girl has hair got all over head!
Phoebe: Well, maybe it won't work out. Maybe Ross won't like her personality.
Rachel: Why, does she have a bad personality?
Phoebe: Oh no, Bonnie's the best!
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler is bent over getting some water as his boss approaches.]
Doug: Bing! Read your Computech proposal, a real homerun. Ooh. Barely got ya that time, get over here. Come on. Wham! Good one. That was a good one.Keep at it team.
Chandler: What is with him?
Phil: With him? You're is favourite, you're his guy!
Stevens: We never get smacked.
Chandler: Well, that's not true, he-he smacked you once.
Phil: Not on purpose, he ricocheted off you and got me.
Stevens: I'm telling you, I need some smacks. I got a kid starting Dartmouth in the fall.
Doug: Dartmouth? Who went to Dartmouth? Dartmouth sucks. Did you go to Dartmouth Bing?
Chandler: No sir.
Doug: There you go.
[Scene: The Ultimate Fighting Championship, Ross and Monica are there watching Pete.]
Ross: Hey!
Monica: God Ross, what is that?
Ross: Yeah, it's the Ultimate Fighting Combo. Yeah, I saved thirty cents, plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!!
Announcer: From New York City, New Yo-k! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! He's known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, in-troducing Pete Beck-errrr!!
[Pete enters with his entourage all pumped up, and Ross and Monica are the only ones who stand up and cheer.]
Monica: I love you, Pete!!!
Announcer: And his opponent, from Hunnington Beach, California! He's a 300 pound street fighter, Tank Abbottttttt!!!! (abbot)
Monica: Pete! Pete!! That guy's pretty huge!
Pete: Don't worry, Hoshi taught me how to use an opponent's strength and weight against him.
Ross: Well, then that guy is in serious, serious trou-ble.
Ross: All right! You go get him! Let's go!
Referee: Here we go gentlemen, here we go! Are you ready? Are you ready? Let's get it on!!
Pete: Uh-oh.
(To be continued)